


Texts From The Avengers

by Spades



Category: Captain America (2011), Incredible Hulk (2008), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011)
Genre: Bad Jokes, Gen, Texting, bruce and tony are bronies, clint barton gets a gorilla, coulson is a troll, fuck magic friendship is science, jarvis the cat, the hulk can text, there is ducksonging, tony isn't allowed to text people because of this, why tony stark and bruce banner are the worst people ever
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-07-19
Updated: 2012-07-26
Packaged: 2017-11-10 07:04:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 2,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/463544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spades/pseuds/Spades
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of texts that are mostly spawned from RL friends, some will me completely new. Don't worry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> some of these are real, some are fake  
> all typos are MEANT to be there.

**Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : ...Bruce, don't go into the lab.

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : What did you do?

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : better question, what DIDN'T I do?

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : Tony, were you trying to have sex with the Life Model Duplicates again?

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : Ahahaha. Funny, but no. I kinda wrecked the lab through a series of amazing explosions. Am recooping because jesus my head hurts.

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : I woke up in Madrid with no clothes on.

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : my night was better.

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : Remember when the Other Guy went to Madri Gras?

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : He came back with purple beads, i wasso proud.

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : He also came back with three young women from arizona.

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : I am still wondering how he didn't wreck their vaginas.

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : I don't want to think about that.

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : ... but i do. it's so much better lying in bed trying to sleep because i totally have a cat trying to wake me up.

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : don't ask, it was a bet. hawkass is winning.

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : Wow, is Spider-Man's Ex in town?

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : HJahahahahaahaha. no. his name is jarvis. he hates the world.

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : You named your cat after your computer? or vice versa?

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : I plead the fifth.

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : Either way it's weird.

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : Your face is weird.

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : ....okay that was lame.

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : sos help plz my head is finally running out of witty things to say


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tony and bruce discuss the hulk and there is mention of a possible gorilla.

**Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : Bruce, my stomach is killing me ): so is my head. why did i think it was a good idea to explode things?

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : For science?

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : No actually, pretty sure it was because i wanted hot dogs but didn't want to blow up another stove trying

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : The other guy likes hot dogs. He also likes hot dog carts.

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : LEAVE JARVIS OUT OF THIS! ):

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : Wha? I mean, he likes throwing hot dog carts at people.

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : Oh. I read that as 'he likes hot dog cats'

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : No. He doesn't like cats much. They scare him.

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : That's adorable. We should get him a puppy.

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : I can't guarantee that he won't eat it.

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : ..... ):

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : If anything, we should buy him a gorilla.

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : You, my good friend, are a terrible influence. I am definitely not checking up laws on that... Definitely not.

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : Checking the laws? You fly around the US airspace in a metal suit with more weaponry than most battleships and suddenly you're

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : concerned with laws??

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : There is definitely a difference here. One actually involves getting a gorilla.

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : I'm all for it. Maybe it will calm the other guy down.

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** ; Maybe. Maybe he'd eat it.

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : Let's do this. Let's get him a gorilla.

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : I wouldn't put it passed him either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another string of actual texts.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> short, sweet, involves my little pony.

**Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : Bruce, if we smash our names together, we get: truce or brony.

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : Those are both impossibly amazing.

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : Friendship is science, because fuck magic.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bruce and tony are going to a brony picnic...  
> happy doesn't drive tony and then there's stuff about pepper not having standards.  
> clint gets a gorilla.

**Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : You mean the guy named "Happy" refused to drive you to a brony picnic?

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : PRETTY MUCH. i was pissed. something about that crossing a line for him.

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : Well SOMEONE on your staff has to have standards, since you don't.

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : Bruce, you're technically on my staff. also pepper is gonna be pissed when she finds out you don't think she has standards.

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : Well... she IS dating YOU...

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : OH IT'S ON BANNER. IT'S ON LIKE DONKEY KONG. LIKE IT'S THE BREAK OF DAWN AND WE'RE GONNA GO ALL NIGHT LONG.

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : THAT IS HOW ON IT IS BANNER. THAT IS HOW FUCKING ON THIS SHIT HAS GOTTEN.

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : Since when do you have women down to a science? I seem to recall beating you at Donkey Kong more than once...

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : Since I'm Tony Stark. YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE. NO GORILLA FOR YOU. I'M GIVING IT TO CLINT INSTEAD.

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : It's almost as if throwing large heavey objects comes naturally to me.

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : ...I am not laughing at that. I am offended. my amazing sensibilities are offended by that joke. gorrila's still going to clint, asshole.

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : What's Clint going to do with a gorilla? He can't even get an animal that matches his theme?

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : CLINT IS GETTING THE GORILLA BRUCE.

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : WHAT?! WHAT WOULD CLINT USE WITH A GORILLA.

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : SAME THING I DO WITH YOU. TEACH SCIENCE AT IT.

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : TEACH ME? EXCUSE ME?

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : AHAHAHAHAHAHA I BET YOU'RE GOING GREEN AHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : YOU SMUG SUNVAFSKDJAGFASDLJKFSDGJKDFGSJFSDF

 

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : SERVES YOU RIGHT!!!!! AHAHHAHAHAHA

 

 **HULK @ Tony Stark** : HULK TEACH MOUTHY MAN PHYSICS LESSON WITH FIST


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> clint is not amused by this gorilla

**Clint Barton @ Tony Stark** : ...uh tony why is there a gorilla in my room??????

 

 **Tony Stark @ Clint Barton** : because bruce is an asshat and i decided your new name is gorilla eye

 

 **Clint Barton @ Tony Stark** : ... i am offended by this but yet still amused, fuck you stark fuck you.

 

 **Tony Stark @ Clint Barton** : nope. enjoy your new gorilla. let's hope it's not in heat.

 

 **Clint Barton @ Tony Stark** : stark i am going to hurt you for this it's staring at me

 

 **Tony Stark @ Clint Barton** : not my problem you're my new favourite. you're nice and we can do science together. or just blow shit up. whatever.

 

 **Clint Barton @ Tony Stark** : stark. stop.

 

 **Clint Barton @ Tony Stark** : i think it's a female. i think it's in heat. i think it's also going to try and rape me??????

 

 **Tony Stark @ Clint Barton** : ...ignore the click of jarvis turning on the camera, just ignore it. it's nothing important. just. science.

 

 **Tony Stark @ Clint Barton** : all of the science.

 

 **Tony Stark @ Clint Barton** : science is good

 

 **Tony Stark @ Clint Barton** : science is great

 

 **Tony Stark @ Clint Barton** : Science makes the world go round

 

 **Tony Stark @ Clint Barton** : science is friendship

 

 **Tony Stark @ Clint Barton** : science is everything

 

 **Tony Stark @ Clint Barton** : ??? clint???

 

 **Tony Stark @ Clint Barton** : ?????? CLINT.

 

 **Tony Stark @ Clint Barton** : WHERE ARE YOU CLINT, YOU'RE NOT IN YOUR ROOM I'M WORRIED

 

 **Tony Stark @ Clint Barton** : CLIIIIIIIIINTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!@!!!!!!

 

 **Tony Stark @ Clint Barton** : ?????? CLINT I'M SORRY OH GOD I'M SOR FSADJKLSDJFHA;SDJKFJKLSGFASKLJDGKJKDGFASJKLGFASLKJGFASJKLFGASLKGFASLJKFGASLJKGFASKLDFASDFSADFASFASFASFSADFASDF  
FASDFASDFSADFASDFSADFASDFSDAFSFASFASFSDFADFASFSDFSDFSADF


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tony has zero tact

**Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : Stark, do you know what happened to my trading cards?

 **Tony Stark @ Phil Coulson** : ...ask fury.

 **Tony Stark @ Phil Coulson** : Pssst they're covered in blood, it's yours.


	7. Chapter 7

**Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : And that's when I told him to ask Fury about his trading cards.

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : Tony, do you have any idea how much of a bad idea this is?

 **Tony Stark @ Bruce Banner** : Admit it, you want to see the throw-down between them.

 **Bruce Banner @ Tony Stark** : ... I plead the fifth.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> coulson ruins tonys fun ):

**Tony Stark @ Phil Coulson** : So... I see you're doing fine. Fury apologize?

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : No, he didn't. He explained why and offered to find me a new set. It's... all right.

 **Tony Stark @ Phil Coulson** : ...all right. If you're sure.

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : I am, definitely.

 **Tony Stark @ Phil Coulson** : Damn, you ruin my fun. brb, doing something.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...coulson is a trooooll

**Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : ... So...

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : A duck walked up to a lemonade stand...

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : And he said to the man, running the stand..

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : Bum-dam-dam, Hey, got any grapes?

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : The man said, "No we just sell lemonade, but it's cold and it's fresh and it's all home-made. Can I get you a glass?

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : The duck said, "I'll pass"

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : Then he waddled away, waddle waddle... 'till the very next day.

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : When the duck walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man, running the stand,

 **Tony Stark @ Phil Coulson** : OMFG ARE YOU DUCK-SONGING AT ME?!

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : "Hey! Bum, dam dam, got any grapes?"

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : The man said, "No, like I said yesterday, we just sell lemonade, okay? Why not give it a try?"

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : The Duck said, "Goodbye!"

 **Tony Stark @ Phil Coulson** : WHY ARE YOU DUCK SONGING AT ME COULSON I AM SO CONFUSED OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE DOING THIS

 **Tony Stark @ Phil Coulson** : DID I STEP ON YOUR PUPPY? DID I KICK THE CAPTAIN OR SOMETHING?! Oh my gooooddddd

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : Then he waddled away, waddle waddle, then he waddled away, waddle waddle waddle, then he waddled away, waddle waddle, till the very next day.

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : When the duck walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand..

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : "Hey! Bum dam dam, got any grapes?"

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : The man said,

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** ; "Look, this is getting old, I mean, lemonade's all we ever sold, why not give it a go?"

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : The duck said,

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : "How about no."

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : Then he waddled away, waddle waddle, then he waddled away, waddle waddle waddle, then he waddled away, waddle waddle... till the very next day.

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : When the duck walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man, running the stand,

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : "Hey! Bum dam dam, got any grapes?"

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : The man said,

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : "THAT'S IT! if you don't stay away duck, I'll glue you to a tree and leave you there all day, stuck! so don't get close!"

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : the duck said,

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : "Adios."

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : Then he waddled away, waddle waddle, then he waddled away, waddle waddle waddle, then he waddled away, waddle waddle... till the very next day.

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : When the duck walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man, running the stand,

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : "Hey! Bum dam dam, got any glue?"

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : "What?"

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : "Got any glue?"

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : "No, why would I - OH!"

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : "And one more question for you; got any grapes?"

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : And the man just stopped, then he started to smile, he started to laugh, he laughed for a while.

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** ; He said,

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : "Come on duck, let's walk to the store. I'll buy you some grapes, so you won't have to ask anymore."

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : So they walked to the store and the man bought some grapes, he gave one to the duck and the duck said,

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : "Hmm... no thanks! But you know what sounds good?"

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : "It would make my day!"

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : "Do you think this store...."

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : "Do you think this store...."

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : "Do you think this store..."

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : "Has any lemonade?"

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : Then he waddled away, waddle waddle, then he waddled away, waddle waddle waddle, then he waddled away, waddle waddle... till the very next day.

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : I used to sing this song a lot, it's actually quite a good song if you ignore the rest... I did it once for a friends kid. They found it great.

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : ...Stark?

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : Are you all right? You've been quiet for the passed 40 minutes.

 **Tony Stark @ Phil Coulson** : OH MY GOD DID YOU DUCK SONG ME THROUGH A MOVIE?! YOU TOTALLY DUCKSONGED ME THROUGH A FUCKING MOVIE COULSON HOW COULD YOU I AM SO CONFUSED HOW WHAT WHYYYYY

 **Tony Stark @ Phil Coulson** : I'm sorry, Tony's currently banging his head on the theatre chair, Phil, it's Bruce.

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : How was the movie at least?

 **Tony Stark @ Phil Coulson** : Fine, perfectly fine. I'll get him to text you later, I think he might be crying at being 'out trolled'.

 **Phil Coulson @ Tony Stark** : Good to know, Doctor Banner. :)


End file.
